The Flatte Project: Hurdles, measures of success

In my effort to make the word “flatte” a normal part of cafe culture chatter, I’m trying to be as methodical as possible.

Today, I identify potential hurdles, as well as measures of success for this project.

First, hurdles:

“Flatte” has great promise, but it also has some limitations.

1. It is not adaptable to other caffeinated beverages. You couldn’t order a fcappuccino, famericano, fmacchiato, and certainly not a ffrappuccino. (That said, there’s a cafe in Toronto called F’Coffee. Who knows? Perhaps this will be the first cafe in the world to put flattes on their menu.

2. Translation issues. Many marketers have run into trouble over the years for not considering how their product might be received in other cultures and in other languages. I may be okay on this one:

“Flatte” means “flatter” in French. True, given the Gallic origin of the term “latte” this could create confusion or cognitive dissonance. But I’ve got to say that this could be a plus: “Hey, you might think you have too much energy right now to need more caffeine, but don’t flatte yourself.”

Second, measures of success:

I will assess the project against the following measures of success:

1. Walking into a cafe and seeing flattes available by name on a chalkboard menu or equivalent.

2. Typing the word “flatte” into a Word document or other electronic file format and not having it show up with a red underline.

3. The big kahuna: Adoption of “flatte” by a major dictionary, in particular the Oxford English Dictionary. I commit that, if this ever comes to pass, I will head straight to a local cafe and buy everyone in the place a round of flattes. It means that much to me.